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Dealing effectively with emotions is a key leadership skill. And naming our emotions β€” what psychologists call labeling β€” is an important first step in dealing with them effectively.

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We have certain sometimes unspoken societal and organizational rules against expressing them. Consider these two examples:. Neena is in a meeting with Jared and the whole time he has been saying things that make her want to explode.

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Mikhail gets home after a long day and sighs as he hangs up his coat. Anger and stress are two of the emotions we see most in the workplace β€” or at least those are the terms we use for them most frequently. Yet they are often masks for deeper feelings that we could and should describe in more nuanced and precise ways, so that we develop greater levels of emotional agilitya critical capability that enables us to interact more successfully with ourselves and the world more on emotional agility in my new book of the same name, available here.

Yes, Neena may be mad, but what if she is also sad? Sad that her project failed, and maybe also anxious that that failure is going to haunt her and her career. With Jared interrupting her so frequently, that anxiety feels increasingly justified. All of these emotions feed into her anger, but they are also separate feelings that she should identify and address.

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These questions open up a world of potential inquiry and answers for Neena and Mikhail. Like them, we need a more nuanced vocabulary for emotions, not just for the sake of being more precise, but because incorrectly diagnosing our emotions makes us respond incorrectly. There is a high cost to avoiding our feelings.

On the flip side, having the right vocabulary allows us to to see the real issue at handβ€”to take a messy experience, understand it more clearly, and build a roadmap to address the problem. Words matter. But as the vocabulary chart suggests, every emotion comes in a variety of flavors. This meant he could actually respond to her specific emotion and concern without getting angry himself.

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Similarly, it matters in your own self-assessment whether you are angry or just grumpy, mournful or just dismayed, elated or just pleased. As you label your emotions, also rate them on a scale of How deeply are you feeling the emotion?

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How urgent is it, or how strong? Does that make you choose a different set of words? James Pennebaker has done 40 years of research into the links between writing and emotional processing.

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His experiments revealed that people who write about emotionally charged episodes experience a marked increase in their physical and mental well-being. Moreover, in a study of recently laid-off workers, he found that those who delved into their feelings of humiliation, anger, anxiety, and relationship difficulties were three times more likely to have been reemployed than those in control groups.

By more understanding what they are feeling more precisely, you will be better equipped to respond in a constructive way. Once you understand what you are feeling, then you can better address and learn from those more accurately described emotions.

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If you want to assess your own Emotional Agility, here is a link to a quiz. If Neena addresses the sadness and regret she feels in the wake of her failed project β€” as well as the anxiety about what it means for her career β€” that is more productive than trying to figure out how to deal with her anger at Jared. And if Mikhail can recognize his own career anxiety, he can start to craft a plan to build his future more deliberately β€” rather than simply miring himself in more of the same work when he gets home each night.

You have 1 free article s left this month. You are reading your last free article for this month. Subscribe for unlimited access. Naming them is an important first step. on Communication or related topics Emotional intelligenceStressPsychology and Work-life balance.

You can receive her free Emotional Agility assessment here. Partner Center.

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3 Ways to Better Understand Your Emotions