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If the idea of sharing your sexual fantasies makes you want to crawl out of your skin, welcome to the club. Talking about sex with a partner is a vulnerable act anyway, and voicing your sexual fantasies can leave you feeling extra exposed, especially if you think those fantasies are embarrassing or taboo. You might even fear what your fantasy says about you or your relationship. Of course, easier said than done, right? Here are some steps for approaching the topic of sexual fantasies with your partner in the easiest and most comfortable way possible.
They're a natural part of being a sexual person. Perhaps you daydream about having a threesome but you know that if you watched your partner being intimate with another personyou would freak out. This is why it can be helpful to think about your goal in sharing your fantasy with your partner before bringing it up. Do you want your partner to know you on a more intimate level?
Or do you actually want to play out the fantasy with them? Talking these questions through together can be enlightening and can foster intimacy. But thinking about these questions beforehand can help you know yourself and your desires better, at the very least. Go for it! Then ask how they feel about what you shared, but also let them know they can sit with it for a little while. Ultimately you may find out that your fantasy is one your partner has as well, in which case, jackpot. Being vulnerable might encourage your partner to do the same. Your partner can have any of reactions to the ideas knocking around inside of your head.
They might be neutral about your fantasy, down to try it, completely uninterested, or even disgusted by it. To that end try to prepare yourself for any reaction that might come your way. To be real here, there are some times when the fantasy you're sharing is a NBD thing you would be psyched to try one day and other times when it might be a VBD thing that you feel you need in order to be satisfied.
Quick disclaimer: This section and the following section discuss topics related to sexual coercion and consent. If you might find that upsetting, I recommend skipping to the final section and reading from there. The definition of a dark fantasy, or one that feels taboo or wrong, can differ from person to person.
For some people, the thought of double penetration or face slapping counts as dark. No matter your specific fantasy, if it feels dark or strange to you, you might feel conflicted or upset about where your mind is taking you—and whether or not you want to share this with your partner. To give you an example of how complex these more taboo fantasies can be, I want to discuss rape fantasies for a minute. For a lot of people, even seeing those words next to each other is jarring, which is understandable.AURORA - Runaway
But rape fantasies are more common than many people realize. In a study in the Journal of Sex Research62 percent of women aged 18 and over reported having had at least one rape fantasy. There are all kinds of reasons someone might have this type of fantasy.
It can come from a desire to give up or take control, not necessarily to harm someone without their consent or be harmed without consent. Harrison points out that a similar power exchange can be at play for the person who fantasizes about being sexually coercive.
Which brings us to the next point…. Lehmiller agrees. This is why talking to a trained professional can help. Rest assured that therapists are ethically bound to keep what you tell them confidential thanks to the code of ethics mental health professionals must uphold and the Health Insurance Portability and ability Act HIPAAwhich means whatever you tell them stays with them.
That calls for a lot of empathy flowing both ways. No matter the outcome of your conversation, allowing yourself to be vulnerable by sharing shows a ton of strength, and that on its own should make you proud. Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, educator, and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram GigiEngle. SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. Be prepared for a positive or negative reaction, or maybe even a mix of both. Finally, have empathy for yourself and your partner. Gigi Engle is a feminist writer, certified sex coach, and sex educator. School, she teaches a variety of classes centered around pleasure, sexual health, and confidence. Gigi's work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire.
email: [email protected] - phone:(743) 338-2008 x 1276
The Best Ways To Share Your Sexual Fantasies With A Partner, According To Experts