NOT A VANILLA RELATIONSHIP

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But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapistto help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. He likes pretty vanilla sex. I like roleplayingusing props and sex toysand exploring power play. I've tried asking him to be more dominant a few times. I still love him, but it's not everything I want. Is not being as adventurous in bed a deal-breaker? A: Thanks for the question!

Sexual compatibility is one of the trickiest issues I work with. I know how scary it can be to feel like everything else is right in your relationship except for the sex. Fortunately, in your situation, I have a hunch that it might not be as dire of a situation as it seems. Here are seven important things to keep in mind if you have a vanilla partner. Most couples tend to default to vanilla sex.

A lot of us have a hard time being our authentic sexual selveseven with serious partners. I wonder if your partner might actually be a little kinkier than you give him credit for. I was doing some research recently on different apps and websites for couples, and I found a few resources for couples who want to talk about their desires.

8 Signs of an Incompatible Relationship - Boyfriend-Girlfriend Compatibility Test - How I Do Things

Check out the website Mojo Upgrade or the app Kindu. Now we get to the heart of my response to you: you have to be willing to advocate for your desires. You have every right to want kinkier sex. Kinky sex is great! To take it one step further, you should also be willing to show and teach your partner what you want. It would be a lot more helpful for you both if you could explain to him in more details what you want a dominant partner to do. Or try playing the dominant one, so he can get a sense of what it means to be dominant. Or show him what you like using one of your toys.

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Or talk through one of your favorite role-playing fantasies. Sex is goofy and awkward sometimes. We learn new sexual skills the same way we learn any other skill — by trial and error, and with some occasionally comical failures. If your partner has never been dominant before, it may take them some time to get used to it. Give your partner a chance, and keep working together.

In my experience, the most important quality in a sexual partner is their willingness to make an effort with your sex life. A great sex life does not just happen; it has to be worked on. Your partner may not be a pro Dom at this point, but do they take your desires seriously? Are they willing to try new things and make an effort? Those qualities are much more important in the long-run than your partner magically being a fantastic Dom on their first try. So now we get to one of the hardest parts of your question — is this a deal-breaker or not? I think that with some time and open communication, your sex life can get a lot better than it is right now.

So you have to adjust your expectations a bit.

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Is there enough good stuff there to keep you satisfied, even though there are some disappointments? Another possibility worth mentioning is to talk about opening up your relationship to allow you to explore your kinks with other people while preserving what seems like an otherwise great relationship of course, assuming it's something you're both interested in.

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By Vanessa Marin.

NOT A VANILLA RELATIONSHIP

email: [email protected] - phone:(270) 783-3565 x 1697

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