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Added: Bryson Roberts - Date: 22.04.2022 04:41 - Views: 44332 - Clicks: 9116

They are not inclusive of a girl like me. Truthfully, I started experiencing my first real feelings of exclusion from the rest of society when I started becoming interested in dating and learning about sex. Crazy huh, because you would think that it would have been my parents who first spoke to me about my experience. And I mean my social worker did not say directly that I could not have sex, but she told me the modes in which HIV is spread: for example, through unprotected sex, through IV drug use, through pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding, through blood transfusions, etc.

The next time I learned about HIV and about sex in general was in a health education class that I took in the 7th grade. To say that class terrified me would be an understatement. It taught me about other STIs, and after listening to the reactions of other kids in the class I remember thinking in my mind I did not like how they portrayed my experience.

Nor, did the Educator discuss how treatment works to lower the chances of someone spreading HIV to their partners or their babies. The pictures they showed of people with HIV were images of gay, white men or Africans. And they were images of people who were really sick and wasting away. There were no pictures of people who were healthy and living. The only thing I had learned about this topic was from my Aunt who raised me. She told me right before I went into middle school to be careful who I shared my business with, because people in this world can be cruel.

Everything I learned in regards to how I was supposed to go about having sex in our society, I had to learn on my own.

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Throughout my years of dating I have had many different sexual experiences, some good and some not so good. I used to think that I would never be able to have sex without a condom. Imagine going through your adolescent years thinking that if you had intercourse with someone or received oral sex without protection that you would pass the virus.

That really affected the way I thought and felt about myself physically, and it would mentally get in the way when it came to me being intimate with someone.

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Growing up, not only did I have to take the initiative to educate myself about what I could and could not do, but I also had to attempt to educate everyone I dated too. And let me make sure I emphasize the fact that all the information I was receiving about my experience was still in the process of being researched and studied. Luckily for me they were all lesbian relationships so the sex was a lot safer to begin with, because all we did was have finger sex, use straps, and have oral sex. This may be too much information TMIbut there is a purpose to why I am being so transparent.

The oral sex was probably the riskiest thing, and each time I received it protection was used until I experienced my last relationship.

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I was in high school when I experienced my first two relationships. But in my later 3 relationships, I made sure that we went to go get tested at least every 6 months. So that they could see for their selves that they had not contracted HIV, and to make sure everything was good. And I put dirty in quotations marks to emphasize how stigmatizing it is. I absolutely hate that society uses that term to refer to testing positive, or clean to refer to testing negative. Anyone who knows me knows that regardless to my HIV status that I am not a dirty person by far. In one relationship I was in, my partner would take the time to inspect their fingers before we had sex, and if they saw even the slightest cut they would put condoms on their fingers.

Sex is supposed to pleasuring and FREE.

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I got the chance to explore sexual freedom in the last relationship I was in. The person I was with at that time insisted to me that they did not care about the risk, and loved me enough to want give me that experience of receiving oral sex without a condom.


It taught me a lot. We are not in the s anymore. Although we have lost millions of people from this pandemic, there are also thousands of long term survivors who have lived through the dark times with this illness and who can attest to how far treatment and research has come. The term Undetectable had not been something that there was a lot of knowledge about during my adolescent years, as I was growing up.

And even the term Undetectable has been redefined over the years. In the past Undetectable was considered a viral load underthen it went tothen toand now it is under The stigma is killing people, more than the actual disease does. I have watched this happen many times, when someone is newly diagnosed they internalize that stigma. And a lot of the time this le the person to fall into this deep depression, and then they start to plummet into this downward spiral.

They start to believe their lives are over, and they will never be able to lead a normal healthy life, or find love again. They begin to isolate themselves, and not reach out for support or refuse to get into or stay linked to HIV medical care. In my opinion, it is because they do not want to accept the fact that they are positive, and they struggle with this sort of pre and post diagnosis identity crisis. I do not have a pre diagnosis identity to refer to, but I do know what it is like to internalize this STIGMA that has been programmed into our minds.

Maybe I am crazy, but obviously the way we have been going about things is not working. It could all be so simple. And we have to be more inclusive. Is one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. I still don't have the words to adequately describe how it made me feel.

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A Girl Like Me Logo. Growing Up Poz and Dating. Like like 0. Comments I can relate to the finger Submitted by Red40something on March 10, - pm. The Gift. Become a Member our community and become a member to find support and connect to other women living with HIV. Do you get our newsletter? Activity Popular Groups. Lipodystrophy and Body Changes. Corona Stress? Hero Awards - Bangkok. Covid Testing Centre in Where is the Love? A Girl Like Me. Check out my Instagram Living in a Single Room Talented migrant. Never Settle!

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