Added: Devion Garceau - Date: 07.11.2021 19:02 - Views: 14029 - Clicks: 7402
There were certainly s that something momentous was taking place, but initially, I saw each as an isolated incident:. She then told us to raise our arms straight up, at a degree angle from the floor, and then reach to the sky, lifting just our shoulders. We all did: The bones of my shoulders followed my arms vertically a full four inches toward the ceiling. But the flesh surrounding my shoulder bones remained splooged out on the mat. My skin and the thin layer of adipose tissue that normally traveled with my bones and muscles had clearly decided that Pilates was for losers.
I was horrified when I realized it was the sound track to a Swiffer commercial, blaring from the TV in the other room. I found it especially humiliating that there was a Swiffer, at that very moment, sitting in my broom closet.
I thought about that: I feel strongly enough about a cleaning implement to have recommended it to friends. My husband and I had wonderful twin little girls, I had a great job, good friends, and we all were healthy and solvent. There was no crisis. And yet It was early in the morning and I was on the subway, on my way to work. A sexy stubbly man next to me leaned in and asked me for the time. I braced myself for the pickup attempt I felt sure was to follow.
And then I do remember that he went back to his book. Apparently, the sexy stubbly guy who asked me for the time simply needed to know the time. He wanted information, not to have sex with me. I was shocked. And internally embarrassed. Just who the hell did I think I was? I thought I was who I had always been: a hot chick, damn it! Big hair, big boobs, big personality, a young woman who not so terribly long ago had reason to adopt a slightly defensive posture when men asked her superficially innocent questions on public transportation.
In fact, I met the man who is now my husband on the subway. After a few decades of believing this about myself — and usually being reacted to as if it was so — being an attractive young woman simply became part of what I was and how I navigated the world. But in that instant, an energy-saver bulb reluctantly flickered on over my head, and I got it.
Boy, did I ever get it. Together, along with all the other s that had nothing to do with my looks, it made sense. Which is totally not the same as a hot chick. That in itself is not a problem. The problem was that my self-definition had yet to catch up with the reality of what the world saw when it looked at me.
Lucky for me, I had my thenyear-old daughter, Vivian, at home to give my self-definition a good frog-march forward. That very same evening, she snuggled close to me on the chair-and-a-half in her bedroom while I brushed her hair after her bath. Abruptly, she turned to me. She was fixated on my nose. Those round things. That Japanese book, The Holes in Your Nose, about nostrils and boogers and which body orifices you might stick your fingers in and which you are firmly discouraged from sticking your fingers in, had long been a favorite in our house.
I reminded her that they were my nostrils and that she had them, too. Vivian, of course, was referring to my pores, which in the last couple of years had been expanding like crop circles on my face. I can only see them in the magnification mirror I masochistically keep in the bathroom.
I felt that familiar wave of This same scenario had repeated itself many times in the last year with little variability, except regarding which of my ly unremarked-upon flaws was being scrutinized. So I did what I did the time her sister, Sasha, pointed out — entirely without judgment — that my belly looked like a tushy on the front of my body, or the time she said that there were bumpy blue worms under the skin of my legs: I chuckled wisely and said something mature about how bodies are fascinating and change as they get older and went and got the magnification mirror and showed Vivian her own invisible to the naked eye pores.
I then explained the function of pores in cooling the body. Vivian was riveted. And then I put her to bed, and took the magnification mirror with me to see what I could do with a tweezer. That pair of entirely un-fun epiphanies indicated that there was a seismic, unacknowledged transition afoot. It felt like a smack upside the head and a relief at the same time. I began jokingly calling myself Formerly Hot. At least I had a name albeit one I made up for that strange, uneasy, dissonant feeling I was having, and why I was having it. Formerly Hot. It quickly became clear that no longer being hot was merely the most obvious Formerly I was experiencing.
I noticed that marketers had stopped trying to sell me cutting-edge, exciting sparkly things and tried to get me to take my children on a Disney cruise or consider baking with Splenda. I liked to get out and do things, but I needed a guarantee it was going to be more fun than staying home, or else why bother? I started a blog about this, formerlyhot. I and my agemates were formerly a lot of things, a big bunch of Formerlies. It was a veritable groundswell. One time on the train again on the train! I saw Mike, a guy I knew 15 years ago.
He was short but had a swagger, and always seemed to feel that he was more talented than the rest of his band and that no one realized how egregiously they were holding him back. The real Mike, wherever he was, probably no longer looked or acted like Mike. It felt as if the real Mike and the real Stephanie, the ones we used to be, were abducted by aliens and simply replaced by the new Mikes and Stephanies who populate the F train just like we used to.
These kinds of old-friend sightings were truly startling to me, but I suppose I needed to learn, again and again, that after several decades, I was in a different life phase. How bizarre that I was excruciatingly aware of every droopy body part, every pucker, each stray hair and both nasal-labial folds on my own person, but I imagined somehow everyone else was frozen in time, going about their lives as if nothing had changed.Grandmother Lovers Kyle and Octavio: Addicted To Older Women - Relationship Documentary - Reel Truth
I mean, I knew they were not, and yet when I saw these updated versions of people I used to know, and was reminded in such a Twilight Zone manner that time marches on, it was unsettling. And it turns out he was right. I think this is true of many people like me who got on the hamster wheel in high school and kept running until career success or giving birth or something else made us want to or have to slow down.
I, for one, took each of these things in stride as I experienced them. For me it was when I began to not feel like the me I once was. In my case, my self-image as a young, attractive, relevant, in-the-mix woman started to feel wobbly, and probably affected the way I carried myself and behaved.
It made me feel a little cuckoo. In actuality, most of the physical changes my body and my face had undergone over the last decade or so were gradual and fairly subtle.
I looked fine. Each of these little changes did I mention my upper arms have recently begun to flap in the breeze like Grand Opening flags on a car dealership and that I must daily scan my chin for guy-caliber whiskers or else grow a beard? But in aggregate, and because they all added up to my being in a brand-new category of person — that of the not-young woman — they bothered me.Old Woman
A lot. Was I really so vain that I cared about what complete strangers thought? Why, yes, yes I was! Now it seemed that this was only because I looked good without having to get nuts about it, not because I was so secure. I quickly learned that being Formerly Hot was not something it was wise to go around complaining about. But I wanted to talk about why it sometimes felt as if it was, and about similar shifts in identity — the loss of a self-definition, be it the whiz kid, the wild girl, the people pleaser — I knew from my blog that many people were experiencing.
Not so the more subtle life shifts like the one I was experiencing, which are deceptively difficult to deal with, superficial though some of them may appear to be. Things merely seem more accelerated as you age, and when I think of it that way, the transition to Formerly feels like any other, best dealt with one day at a time. What of it? By and large, we know our own minds, are done with caring too much about what other people think of our opinions, and can have a good laugh at our own expense.Sexy old woman Early
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